I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
