someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
