So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i'm inner monologue high
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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