New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
