I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
