id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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