She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
