We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
