Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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