What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
