I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
