Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
