dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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