Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
