On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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