my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
