she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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