SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
