Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
