Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
zippers are such a cool invention
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
