Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
