3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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