Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
