Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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