I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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