my text book just quoted the cookie monster
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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