You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
