Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
