Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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