Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
