did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
