glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
