Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
