when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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