dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
