My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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