Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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