eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
