like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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