It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
