So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's never too late to be topless.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
