so that wasnt chicken after all
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
