the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there's paper in my vomit.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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