battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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