Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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