Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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