My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
