Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
