Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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