Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
