When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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