ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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