Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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