omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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