When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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