alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
