I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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